Familiar Signs

blank stares are all i have

blank thoughts are returned

searching the vast emptiness

panicked ideas are all i find

where are you my love?

i pace, my feet taking me places my head wont

my heart beating, beats taking me nowhere

ive been here before, it feels like home

home is where my heart lives

home is where my brain doesnt want to go

i fall asleep

content

goodnight

so close

maybe tomorrow

lost in reflection

i cant find you

i need you to progress

youre my hallucination

i need you to get out of this place

form images for me, let me see you

remember when we were friends?

we worked well together

you were my mental lover

we complimented one another

my single mind betrays me

today i will find you

today i will have you

you raped my mind

you took away something

and now only you can bring it back

i will never be whole without you

we were meant to be together

fuck my neediness, and be with me

i love you, and you love me too

be in me once again, make me think

can i do this alone?

if i cant find you now, will i be forever lost?

shit, i need answers, so many questions

goodbye mental state, goodbye hope

goodbye my soul, goodbye you

you think youre better then me, dont you?

i am waiting, i need you

i have no patience for this

steam covers my eyes

heat as i put my face over to see inside

i despise you, but i need you now

i could have something else

but i am craving you

i pour you in hard

i need you once you soften

i will be happy in a few minutes

stir, taste, stir, stir, stir

i walk away to resume what i was doing

you have no control over what i do

stir, stir, stir, stir, taste, stir

ready? because i am

i smile, because you no longer have me

i will own you, till leave

but you will return

not today, maybe tomorrow

side blinded

i breath heavy

two short breaths then a long one

the pressure is intense on my knees

the wind in my face, resistance

right, left, right, left, right, left

i dodge a manhole

i jump over a branch laying

my heart beats faster

my head hurts, pressure fills my temple

the pressure takes over my mind

i yell out in pain as my brain feels numb

the trees turn fuzzy, like bears

black covers the right side

black and pain is all i know

bright, bright, black, black

i feel nothing

i am nothing

i do not exist

one, two, three

existence is darken

fuzziness covers my eyes

blurriness is all i know

right...left...right...left

done for the day

tomorrow i will try again

fuck, you like that?

fuck!

dont look at me.

fuck!!

i laugh at you.

fuck!!!

i crave that face.

you see me

i see you seeing me

you frown

i smile at your frown

i own you

i bought your emotion

i paid for your face

you are a slave to my joy

the louder i am the worse you become

how does it fucking feel?

as i listen you turn away

you are scared of me

whos the fake one?

i own the one inside me,

and now i own the one inside you

youll never forget me

ill never remember you

tomorrow washes your scowl away

tonight brings me more into focus

goodbye and thank you for joy

walls i build

green.

olive green.

faded olive.

you surround me

i can leave you at any time

i'm here because i want to be

green.

confine to this green, my choice

olive green.

can i take you with me?

faded green.

i have to stay, no one can help

four green.

four olive green.

four faded olive.

i will open then leave

the light shines from above

wind moves my hair

bright light against faded olive.

goodbye olive green.

white light i leave through

gains me entrance tomorrow

ring of death

i am alone

you are not

i can not reach you

you will never have me

i want you for myself

you want what you already have

youre so beautiful but so distant

can i break your vows?

is it fair that i met you second?

i only missed by a few months

can i have a chance?

you smile and i love

you smile and i die

you laugh and i smile

you laugh and i hope

you leave and i know

when you leave i go home alone

when you leave you go home to him

i cant have you in flesh

i can have you tonight

you will never know

you wont exist tomorrow

when i wake up youll be gone

tonight youll be mine

no ring to keep you away

tonight ill be happy

no time to ruin my hope

when i see you tomorrow

you'll never know

my dreams will not betray me

goodnight my dream girl

sleep with him, ill be sleeping with you

Tar Filled

why do i feel nothing?

the more i want the more i miss

my desires are fleeting

i hurt because i can

i destroy so i can shine

was there a time when i was pure?

i want to be clean

i want to be happy

i want to be able to love

i miss these so much

i'm sorry that i hurt

i'm sorry that i hate

i wish i was filled

i am so empty

can anything save me?

dear God, please save me from myself

my heart is missing, where is it?

my soul is numb, can it be saved?

is it too late for me?

ill find out when i say my final goodbye

Life

ME.

me?

Me!

Me:

[ME]

welcome, please exit quietly

i hide from those around me

i show what i do not feel

i'm scared what's real will turn false

i fucking hate what i've allowed

how do i know whats really real?

am i my feelings or my actions?

i have two hearts

one hates me

one hates the other

do i need a heart duo?

i need peace, but it never comes

i need rest, but i fear it

i hope for drama that comes too soon

i miss the old and hate the coming

do i know what i want?

i know what i do not want, i dont want this

will i miss the turmoil when it no longer comes?

i live in the shadows of hope, wishing i could see the sun

my life is one giant fuck

alot of work to get to the exciting end